In My Opinion
Last week I argued that our digital devices can behave like relationship thieves. Staying with the theme of human bonds, it’s worth asking a blunt question: what has happened to friendship?
When life turns complicated — a health scare, social upheaval or economic strain — the people who steady us are the true friends. Ancient wisdom hasn’t lost its edge. Scripture puts it plainly: “A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter” (Sirach 6:14). Aristotle thought such friendship rare. He was right. In an age of unbridled individualism and limitless virtual connection, technology reaches into every corner of life and leaves our relationships at a crossroads. On one side, social media offers extraordinary ease; on the other, it can erode depth.
There’s no shortage of insight about friendship. C. S. Lewis said it often begins with the delighted cry, “What! You too?” But does the word still carry the weight it once did? In the UK we have a Minister for Loneliness; in the United States, commentators speak of a “care recession”. Across the West the signs converge: a growing epidemic of isolation.
Several forces have cooled everyday kindness: the sheer speed of life, the glut of responsibilities and information, and the constant stream of online entertainment. Laptops, televisions, smartphones and remote work keep us indoors and push real meetings to “later”. The result? Our ties weaken. Face-to-face contact — the exchange of glances and expressions, the quick understanding between people, even the romance of love at first sight — begins to fade.
At the same time, forming superficial connections has never been easier. Social platforms let us “like” and comment, creating the illusion of closeness. We start to question the authenticity of these interactions. Do we truly care for one another, or are we ticking boxes to feel accepted? With a single click we can label someone a “kindred spirit”, and our circles balloon overnight. Yet authentic friendship — real brotherhood and sisterhood — needs an interior core: trust, sincerity, shared pursuit of the good, and a sense of the sacredness of everyday life.
These portals also make it easier to pretend, to curate a version of ourselves for approval. Friendship then shrinks to shared interests — sport, music, books, food — or to professional status. Small wonder such ties evaporate at moments of need, pain, misfortune or illness.
To be fair, social networks can be a lifeline for those who struggle with in-person contact and can protect people from isolation. But when crises hit, it is the faithful friends who help us through thorny times: those who listen, understand and simply show up. That’s when we rediscover the irreplaceable value of embodied, steady presence.
Public health also notices. The WHO has highlighted social connection as a protective factor for health, alongside good diet and physical activity. Perhaps it’s time to rehabilitate tenderness — that humane attentiveness which Pope Francis often calls a “revolution of tenderness”. As the old saying has it, friendship doubles our joys and halves our sorrows.
For Christians, none of this is merely social commentary; it’s a call to charity in the fullest sense. Christ says to His disciples, “I have called you friends” (John 15:15). The Church invites us to live communion, to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), and to rediscover friendship as a school of love. St Aelred of Rievaulx put it beautifully: “Here we are, you and I, and I hope a third, Christ in our midst.” In practice that might mean putting the phone down, turning up in person, lingering after Mass, sharing a meal, offering a lift, visiting the sick, praying together and making time. The sacraments form the deepest friendship of all, because the Eucharist knits us to Christ and, in Him, to one another.
True friends don’t just click — they commit. In a weary world, that fidelity is good news.
