I prayed hard for my husband. I did not expect that the enormity of these graces and promises would come to me. After all, I was fine – he was the one who needed healing
I am married, 36 years old, have three children (14, 15, and 16), my own house, a beautiful garden and a car. You could say – you don’t need anything else to be happy. However, a critical moment in my life has come, although nothing indicated it was coming . . .
The enemy came unexpectedly and very insidiously. Well, I noticed that my husband began to come home from work under the influence of alcohol more and more often (it happened over three months, almost every day) drinking during the day – without it being any occasion. In my head – which, I now think, was a great gift of God’s care – a warning light went on, especially since my requests, threats and explanations were ineffective. So, I reacted immediately and asked my husband to go with me on a retreat, without telling him exactly what it was about.
And here came the most important turning point and moment – but it was in my life! Honestly, when I look at everything that happened later, from the perspective of 25 years later, I see that it was a time intended and carefully planned by God for me. During this three-day retreat, I prayed fervently and earnestly for my husband’s healing and for him to come to his senses, thinking to myself what a good and wise wife I am. I was full of admiration for my cleverness and ingenuity – I told God to take care of my husband, and in my mind I was planning a meeting with my friends at a party, because it was Easter time . . .
On the third day of the retreat, I heard that a special time had been given to us, because this day was Divine Mercy Sunday, at which St. Sister Faustina writes in her Diary: “On that day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon those souls who approach the fount of My mercy. The soul that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete forgiveness of sins and punishment. On that day all the divine floodgates through which grace flow are opened. Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. My mercy is so great that no mind, be it of man or of angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity. My mercy is so great that no mind can fathom it for all eternity…” (Diary 699).
So, I stayed in the so-called Chapel of Miracles and prayed hard for my husband. I had absolutely no expectation that the enormity of these graces and promises would come to me. I was fine – he was the one who needed healing. I “went” to church, participated with my children in the rosary and May devotions, and in the Stations of the Cross; my son serves at Mass, the girls sing in the choir. Jesus, look how cool I am!
But Jesus probably had a different opinion, because at the end of the retreat the priest asked about its fruits, the Holy Spirit suggested to me more and more clearly and loudly the words: “start with yourself!”, “if you see a speck in your brother’s eye, first remove the plank from your own!”.
I really wrestled with myself back then; I thought it was some kind of mistake, but the words were too real. I had nothing to reproach myself for, which, over time and God’s guidance, turned out to be a big whopping lie and hypocrisy. As I have already written, after a great struggle with myself, I signed the Crusade for Human Liberation (i.e., I decided to completely abstain from alcohol for 1 year) for my husband, because there was a lot of talk about it during these retreats. Due to the sort of lifestyle I liked (and I was often called the life of the party), this was quite a challenge for me, automatically removing me from the list of people invited by my friends.
Coming home, I felt that I was not the same person. On that Divine Mercy Sunday, a miracle happened for me: my heart began to truly come alive. Jesus, as usual, turned out to be truthful and faithful to His words, because He took away my “heart of stone and gave me a heart of flesh”, “opened my eyes and ears”, I felt incredible peace, lightness, and joy.
The most beautiful thing about it all is that after returning home, everything started to change completely, and I didn’t have to force myself to do anything. I received from the Merciful Jesus a beautiful gift and the enormous potential of His grace, which aroused in me all these new and previously unknown desires. I began to “look for God” with great zeal; I read many books because I found that as a “super-Catholic” I knew nothing about my faith – about God, about what happens during the celebration of the Eucharist. I also bought (because we didn’t have one at home) a Bible and started reading, pondering and exploring it with great enthusiasm. I faced the truth and couldn’t stop marvelling at God’s love, goodness and infinite mercy towards me. I saw what lies and spiritual poverty I had been living in until now.
Today I no longer “go to church”, but with joy I run to meet the living Lord who died for me, and in the Eucharist I draw from Him the strength and power to overcome everyday hardships and problems and fight my faults and weaknesses. Today I know that His blood cleanses me and enables me to achieve all goodness.
I don’t need to mention what kind of reaction my “miraculous transformation” received among my close relatives and friends. Most of them said that I had gone completely crazy – and I was not surprised at all, because from a person who liked company, parties, dancing and loud music, I became a person who could only talk with great enthusiasm about God and what He did for me. It’s no wonder that our house, previously full of noise, quickly became strangely empty, became quiet and turned into a place where many unnecessary activities, i.e., television (soaps), loud music, idle conversations (chatting) were replaced by silence, prayer, reading books and Holy Scripture. It was the most beautiful, wonderful and blessed time for me.
As a result of all this, as if it were not enough, merciful Jesus freed me from the addiction of smoking cigarettes and from using profanity (because “sweet and bitter water cannot flow from one source, the mouth cannot bless and curse at the same time”). I also decided not to drink alcohol for the rest of my life – which brings wonderful results among my loved ones, because many people have already offered their abstinence in order to save those who cannot cope with the addiction of alcoholism.
I try to talk about God’s unfathomable mercy to all those who have problems and are devastated by various experiences and diseases. In a miraculous way, Jesus helps them all, and we have already experienced real miracles many times in our family (recovering from cancer, miraculous survival from a serious suicide attempt, life transformation). In October 2010, it was a year since my husband stopped drinking – he also signed the Crusade for Human Liberation. Our fourth child will also be born this month. Is that still not enough?
Today I can thank God for everything that happened to me – and there were moments when our house was full of quarrels, screams, curses and violence. Today I can say that it was “thanks” to my husband and his problem that I turned to God for help. I did not follow the spirit and propositions of “this world”, which offers quick and easy solutions, such as divorce – and the problem is solved. I wasn’t disappointed. The fight was hard, but it was worth it, especially since I was led by the Master and Teacher himself – the merciful Jesus.
For 2 ½ years, my whole family and I have been kneeling at 3 p.m. to beg for God’s mercy for us, our loved ones and the whole world, praying with the chaplet of Divine Mercy. I wake up every morning saying, “Jesus, I trust in You.” Today I enjoy every day, I see the beauty of the world around me, nature and I know that it is all a gift. Merciful Jesus “created me anew”, revived me and breathed into my heart the Holy Spirit, who guides me and helps me live in the truth and in the light of God’s Word, which I ardently desire to accept and apply every day in relationships with my loved ones, at work, with others, neighbours, husband and children. It is not an easy path, because you often have to deny yourself, but “I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.”
The heart would still like to speak of much more, because my gratitude knows no limits. The only thing I can promise Jesus are the words repeated after Saint Sister Faustina that “I will sing about God’s incomprehensible mercy forever before all people”, while asking for the grace of zeal, courage to “go against the flow”, and for the grace of perseverance and great love.
21/01/2024
